Gray Matters

This afternoon, while many were watching General Conference, I spent my time at PCH (Phoenix Children's Hospital). A close friend asked if I could go with him to give a young child a Priesthood Blessing. We had information the child was put on life support. I gladly went with him. As we entered the hospital, memories flooded back from the first part of April 2009 when my little grandson spent a week at the same place. We met with the family in a waiting room. The doctor and nurses were working on the nine year old girl to stabilize her after a series of tests. She is on a respirator under heavy sedation so as not to pull out IV's and to be allow the medical staff to work on her. I found out she has several issues such as severe panic attacks, ADHD, and now juvenile diabetes. She is doing better than we anticipated. We entered her room, and blessed her, then her mother, her grandmother and finally her step-father. This family is under tremendous stress. Many people have said that I am a "Black and White" person. In other words, there is no gray and I know what I like, dislike, what is right and what is wrong. I guess they are mostly correct. But, I confess, I do see shades of gray all the time.

For instance, why does a nine year old girl have to be on so many medications? Why at such a young age, does she have such severe panic attacks? She has never really been in a school setting because of some of these issues. Why would an eight year old boy shoot his father and another man to death? What kind of spiritual penalty does a boy face for that act? Certainly, he doesn't possess the knowledge, experience or wisdom of an older person who might not follow through with those thoughts. Or, why does a person struggle with same gender attraction? Why do people have these feelings? I do not know what causes this activity but I do know that it is real. Why does a man who has been married for 56 years have to see his wife deteriorate from dementia? As I sat in his home Thursday night, I could see the loneliness, the hurt, the helplessness that he is feeling. I thought silently to myself, "What would I do if I were in his shoes?" I am so grateful for a loving companion. I am grateful for many things that have been provided for me and my family. I do not know the answer to many questions in life. I know one must be consistent and moving forward with hope to face the many challenges we have in life. I do see many grays, not just black and white. And for me, gray matters.