At 10:45 a.m., she received a text from her estranged husband. He asked her to come to his apartment quickly. When she arrived with their six year old son, she found him dying from a self-inflicted gunshot wound. At the time of my text, she was with Paramedics and Police Officers. He died the next day. No message or clues were left. Family, friends and associates were shocked. The shock and sad feelings continue to this day and will last for a long time.
I was asked to speak at his memorial service. I read several articles and scriptures in preparation for my message. I found an article in the October 1987 Ensign by Elder Ballard to provide direction and strength. I was asked by a co-worker if I believed my son-in-law was going to go to hell. I told her no. She told me that her church would declare he had gone to hell. Let me share some of Elder Ballard's thoughts in support of my viewpoint. His words are pasted below. There are many quotes but not all are in full context.
*********************
Elder Ballard
“I should have noticed how depressed
he was,” one daughter said. “Then I could have helped him and prevented this.”
One son spoke rather harshly. “I
never thought my father was a stupid man. But what do you say to this? If he
loved us, he would never have done such a thing!”
A comment by the youngest son
captured the despair they all felt: “There is no hope for dad now, is there?”
he said. It was more a statement than a question. “All the good things he did
throughout his life don’t matter anymore. Now that he’s taken his life, he will
be in the telestial kingdom throughout eternity.” Then he wept.
The feelings expressed then by those
family members are commonly felt by Latter-day Saints trying to cope with the
suicide of a loved one or associate. The anguish and uncertainty they
experience are extremely painful and difficult.
The act of taking one’s life is
truly a tragedy because this single act leaves so many victims: first the one
who dies, then the dozens of others—family and friends—who are left behind,
some to face years of deep pain and confusion. The living victims struggle,
often desperately, with difficult emotions. In addition to the feelings of
grief, anger, guilt, and rejection which the victims of such a family feel,
Latter-day Saints carry an additional burden. The purpose of our mortal lives,
we know, is to prove ourselves, to eventually return to live in the celestial
kingdom. One who commits suicide closes the door on all that, some have
thought, consigning himself to the telestial kingdom.
Or does he? What is the truth
regarding suicide?
The prophets have taught us some important principles about
suicide, but it is possible that many of us have misunderstood.
First, President George Q. Cannon of the First Presidency
made a clear statement about the seriousness of suicide when he said: “Man did
not create himself. He did not furnish his spirit with a human dwelling place.
It is God who created man, both body and spirit. Man has no right, therefore,
to destroy that which he had no agency in creating….I do
not know; but it is clear that no one can destroy so precious a gift as that of
life without incurring a severe penalty.”
President Spencer W. Kimball made an equally strong
statement in 1976. “It is a terrible criminal act for a person to go out and
shorten his life by suicide,” he said.
The late Elder Bruce R. McConkie, formerly of the Quorum of
the Twelve, expressed what many Church leaders have taught: “Suicide consists in the voluntary and intentional taking
of one’s own life, particularly where the person involved
is accountable and has a sound mind. … Persons subject to great stresses may
lose control of themselves and become mentally clouded to the point that they
are no longer accountable for their acts. Such are not to be condemned for
taking their own lives. It should also be remembered that judgment is
the Lord’s; he knows the thoughts, intents, and abilities of men; and he in his
infinite wisdom will make all things right in due course.”
Not long ago I was asked to speak at
the funeral of a dear friend who had committed suicide. Knowing the person and
the circumstances as I did, and researching the doctrine on the subject, I had
some difficult moments in preparing for my remarks. I know that any fully
rational person who contemplates suicide must realize what a terribly selfish
act this is. Peace came to me only when
I recognized that only the Lord could administer fair judgment. He alone had
all the facts, and only He would know the intent of the heart of my friend. I
was reconciled with the idea that a lifetime of goodness and service to others
must surely be considered by the Lord in judging the life of a person. In
the Lord’s mercy, perhaps the words of Alma will apply:
“The plan of restoration is
requisite with the justice of God; for it is requisite that all things should
be restored to their proper order. Behold, it is requisite and just, according
to the power and resurrection
of Christ, that the soul of man
should be restored to its body, and that every part of the body should be
restored to itself.
“And
it is requisite with the justice of God that men should be judged according to
their works; and if their works were good in this life, and the desires of
their hearts were good, that they should also, at the last day, be restored
unto that which is good.” (Alma 41:2–3.)
Obviously, we do not know the full
circumstances surrounding every suicide. Only the Lord knows all the details,
and he it is who will judge our actions here on earth.
When he does judge us, I feel he
will take all things into consideration: our genetic and chemical makeup, our
mental state, our intellectual capacity, the teachings we have received, the
traditions of our fathers, our health, and so forth.
Suicide is a sin—a very grievous one, yet the Lord will not
judge the person who commits that sin strictly by the act itself. The Lord will
look at that person’s circumstances and the degree of his accountability at the
time of the act. Of course, this gives us no reason to excuse ourselves in
committing sins, nor will the Lord excuse us, if I understand correctly. We
must constantly strive to do our best in emulating the Savior in every aspect
of our lives. At the same time, however, let us remember that spiritual growth
comes “line upon line,” that the key—in the spirit world as well as in
mortality—is to keep progressing along the right path.
But it is clear that hope exists.
President Joseph F. Smith learned this important principle near the end of a
long life of service to the Church. In vision he saw the work of salvation
proceeding among the dead, and wrote:
“I beheld that the faithful elders
of this dispensation, when they depart from mortal life, continue their labors
in the preaching of the gospel of repentance and redemption, through the
sacrifice of the Only Begotten Son of God, among those who are in darkness and under
the bondage of sin in the great world of the spirits of the dead.
“The dead who repent will be
redeemed, through obedience to the ordinances of the house of God,
“And after they have paid the
penalty of their transgressions, and are washed clean, shall receive a reward
according to their works, for they are heirs of salvation.” (D&C
138:57–59; italics added.)
**********************************************
It was a difficult and emotional memorial service for all. Three young children face challenges I have never experienced. Those left behind are picking up the pieces and moving forward to deal with this sad event.
My prayer would be that if you are hurting, please talk to someone. You may feel like you are in a box or corner and cannot get out. Perhaps you can't by yourself. But there are many who can assist in helping you get out of the box or corner. Please ask for help or share your feelings. It is not a sign of weakness to do so.
I failed to share one thought in my memorial message. It is why I believe he is not going to hell.
In the New Testament, the Savior says about our post-mortal lives:
"In my Father’s house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you." (John 14:2)
In other words, there are many mansions for us--some are better than others but they are all mansions. My son-in-law will be blessed for the good things he did in this life and not solely judged on poor decisions he made.
I also share another teaching from Jesus Christ found in the same chapter but in verse 18:
"I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you."
If you are reading this and are discouraged, despondent or ready to give up--Please do not. Seek help. Remember, the light will come. The light I refer to is Jesus Christ. And, my earthly father was right, the sun will always come up the next morning and we have another shot at life to try again.
No comments:
Post a Comment